Fear of being Seen

Right now I am having trouble with starting to work on meaningful things. I have no problem doing things that are not critical and meaningful, but when it comes to the actual thing that will move the needle, I am just stuck. And now I am wondering if this is fear, just disguised as complex actions.

Currently I am writing here, and I do not have a problem writing the actual text in a notion page, it just flows and I enjoy writing. It is making my head clearer and somehow it is nice to see what I was thinking not so long ago. Also writing with the intention of publishing it, makes my brain polish things and results in clearer thought streams which is great. But I don’t know if you have realized, but I said I am writing in a notion page. Yeah, I did not say to be uploaded on my website. And that is the thing. So just to be clear, if you are reading this, I manged to get over this hurdle, but at the time of the writing, I am finding so many excuses not to get down and actually set up the website. It is ridiculous at this point. And I am suspecting, that this is all fear, fear that I will be judged for who I am. When I write here, I am honest and this is me. I talk of what I am avoiding, of things that stress me out, I talk of many things that my brain finds interesting at the time, but maybe not necessarily interesting to you.

Not sure what I am afraid of. Am I afraid, that you read it, and are nasty about it? or am I afraid, that you start reading it and half way trough, discard it as boring? Is your reaction towards my writing, a reaction towards my being? Logically I would say no, but somehow I know that deep down a part of me has linked it. That is really weird. Well I guess there is only one thing left to do and that is to do the thing. I have to get over this fear and just set up the website and post these blog posts. Because trying to analyze this, past the fact that ‘I am afraid of the response of others as I am afraid that that would be a reflection of my worth’, is just another form of procrastination.

Well I guess we all have these moments, where they keep on dragging on for no reason, other than our fear. For me it is to put myself out there. What is yours?